I have often quoted that honesty is the gateway to freedom, but living it is much easier said than done. Really it should be so simple; we tell others what we’re feeling, what we like or don’t like, whether we can or whether we can’t, how we see things, what we enjoy and what we don’t enjoy. That’s very simple when you think of it. But then, many of us have been brought up with guilt; not having the right to have our own opinions being told how we have to fit in, having to be careful of what we say in front of others and keep what we’re thinking to ourselves. How amazing then that something so simple could be made so difficult; and then we’ve really got to ask ourselves, who has ever asked us to be really honest with them, and if we’ve attempted to, whether they responded with gratitude and appreciation for our honesty if we gave them our truth? So life gets more and more complicated, and again, from something so simple.
Then of course, we’ve seen lots and lots of strategies demonstrated by other people where they say one thing but actually mean another. We may have heard them talking about people behind their back in one way – yet, when they’re with them, you’d never think they were the same people with the same perceptions.
It’s all very strange, because people tell us we should be honest– but as we grow up we may keep looking for somebody who is actually living honesty rather than talking about it. And what about those politicians who repeatedly say “To be honest with you” or “We want to have a really honest and open government” – now we see all this played out on the big stage?
I think of all the times I’ve wanted to be honest and then pulled back. I have often considered all the repercussions that might happen – I’ve thought of how others might react and what they might do to punish me. I’ve tried being nice rather than be too confronting, as well as using other tactics to avoid what might be detrimental to me – it’s all about personal survival you know! – And what about being popular and not jeopardising the future, whether at home or at work?
I am sure most of you reading this would have experienced at least some of the above as well as lots of others I haven’t mentioned.
BUT what happens if we know that something is really wrong and needs to be challenged – we need to do something – take some action – and we know that we have to be true to ourselves?
What happens when the stakes are high, our reputation and our truth are being challenged, our whole livelihood is at risk and something we deeply believe in could be wiped away – how much are we prepared to face our fears then, stand up and be heard?
There are many people who have been in that position, some have lived and some have been assassinated. Some are world famous and some of them may be remembered by only a few. Some people like Mandala are revered now; others like Ghandi were shot – but their words live on – they inspire us upwards and onwards.
Every opportunity to be honest with ourselves and be honest with others is like a period of training, building inner muscle, knowing and understanding and respecting ourselves. Each is getting us ready and prepared for when our word, our example and our holding steady can be a demonstration and an inspiration to others – we are then allowing decency and integrity to live on, and for us to hold our heads high, whatever the outcome.
It seems to me we have the choice in these lives of ours to practice avoidance or to practice facing our fears. It’s often been said that sometimes when it appears we’ve won we’ve actually lost and yet sometimes when we seem to have lost we’ve actually stood up inside, grown up and triumphed.
Lionel Fifield
