What an insidious saboteur this thing called comparison often is. It can be a reference or it can nag us day and night, and it’s as if we can never get away from it wherever we go.
The fact is we can’t be like anybody else. An old friend used to say “If you’re a pineapple you’re a pineapple and if you’re a banana you’re a banana”. The banana could only ever be a totally second-class pineapple but it can really develop all its qualities as a banana.
This comparison thing can start in our very early years as we’re trying to make sense of this life we find ourselves in. What’s our identity, our position, our role? We can find ourselves compared with other kids before school and then at school. It’s great if the expectations are in line with our aspirations as a banana, but not if they are more applicable to a pineapple. We may have influences keen for us to excel at sport but may feel little inclination to chase balls or win over others when all we really want to sit and dream alone or simply play. But I have also come to realise that individuals who have actually achieved well in everything and received many accolades can still be dogged by comparisons.
So we need to get on and not dwell on the past however it seems the thrust of our society stimulates comparisons: the amount of money we have, the size of our house, the type of car we drive, the job or position we’ve achieved, our successes in relationships, our level of popularity, the beauty and the strength of our body, how smart we are, the level of influence and contacts we have, who we know – it’s endless. AND all we wanted was to be a contented little banana.
As a child, adolescent and young adult who spent so many years comparing himself unfavourably with others and always feeling I was a disappointment, a failure and a misfit, it became clear to me that I needed to keep exploring and acknowledging the qualities I did have and challenging my fears and misperceptions. I began to understand how valuable constructive attitudes could be – also finding the right path for me to walk has been really important – but the challenge is a continuing one needing conscious ongoing attention.
So perhaps we need to focus on and keep exploring who we are in essence and step-by-step take our power back from those comparisons of our mind. Of course this is not an easy task because old habits become ingrained. We have our individual path to walk and individual contribution to make – always remember your being here is no accident.
It’s good to remind ourselves also that we can all assist each other significantly in the development of worth and personal value through offering genuine acknowledgement, appreciation and respect.
Whilst our qualities, achievements, purposes and needs can be so different all of us human beings have so much in common.
Lionel Fifield
